My Chinese Massage

Yesterday I went to a Chinese sauna. Quite an experience. The whole ordeal was hilarious but too lengthy to explain so let me stick to the massage. I am no massage expert...I've had maybe 3 or 4 professional massages in my life. But I know what pain feels like. And I know weird when I meet it. The guy giving me the massage was pretty random. To begin with he tried to rub my back off. I seriously think that was his goal. If I'd had one of those big back tattoos it would almost certainly be gone now. His method was, well, violent. And I'm not sure that's a word that's supposed to be associated with massages. I spent this portion of the massage gasping for air and marvelling that I had paid for this treatment. Later, as I was lying on my front, he lifted my foot and started punching the bottom of it. Literally punching it...what was he going for? And why didn't he punch my other foot? Other techniques he employed were "cup his hands and slap my back" and "grind his elbow into my shoulder blades". These techniques, though lacking in relaxative effect or enjoyment, are certainly high in pain. I came out of the massage feeling like I'd just had the living shit beat out of me (please forgive my crudeness). Combined with the full body exfoliation I had endured an hour earlier and I was left pretty exhausted. That's right. Full body exfoliation. But that's a story for another day...